Baby Don't Cry
by Beertree
Summary: Never bring your class assignments to the Ark. It could be hazardous to their health. Written for the Use This Line Challenge at the Padded Cell.


"WehwehwehWEHWEH…" Sunstreaker glanced up from the video game he was playing, faceplate twisted in an expression of anger and disgust.

"What the frag is that horrible racket?"

"WEHWEHWEH!" The racket was getting louder and more insistent. Bluestreak and Hound glanced at each other.

"I don't know," Bluestreak said and got up from the couch. "I've never heard anything like it. Kind of mechanical but it reminds me of something organic too."

He headed for the door to the lounge but it slid open before he could reach it. "WAAAAAAHHHHH!"

The audiosplitting noise blasted into the room and Bluestreak winced, covering his audiosensor.

"Gah!" Sunstreaker shouted. "Whatever it is, get it out of here."

Hound leaned forward on the couch, trying to see what was happening. Standing in the doorway was Spike, and it seemed he was the source of the noise or rather the object he was holding in his arms.

His face was drawn and pale and it appeared that his hands were shaking. "Oh, sorry, guys," he moaned and held up the thing he was clutching. "It's just the baby." The "baby" continued to wail in an unnatural, metallic squall that made all the Autobots cringe.

Grimacing, Bluestreak peered down at the baby. "That's a baby? It doesn't look like what I thought babies looked like. Aren't they soft and organic. This thing looks like a toy or something."

"Just get it out of here," Sunstreaker growled trying to ignore the thing

Hound came over to inspect the baby. "It is just a toy," he said. "What's it for? And you look terrible," he added after a look at Spike.

"Yeah, it's not a real baby. It's a Health Class assignment. I have to take care of it as if it was a real baby. Feed it when it cries, burp it, play with it 24 hours a day. I've had it two days and I've had about 2 hours of sleep total." Spike continued to jiggle the baby and pat its back to get it to settle down but wasn't having much success.

"Dad says that it's really not like a real baby. Real babies actually respond pretty quickly to being held and cuddled. This thing just keeps making that awful noise."

Bluestreak looked confused. "If it's not like a real baby then why do you have to do this?"

Spike laughed tiredly. "It's suppose to show teenagers what it's like to have a baby. Keep them from making babies when they're not ready. I didn't need to take care of this to know that."

"Oh, I see," Bluestreak said slowly. It was obvious that he didn't really see.

Finally the baby stopped crying and was making more odd noises, but at least they were quiet noises. "I brought it by to see if one of you guys could look after it for a bit. I'm beat and could really use a nap."

Hound looked tempted but before he could speak up, Bluestreak jumped in. "Sure, Spike, I'll watch it. How hard could it be?"

Sunstreaker gave Bluestreak a look that said, "You're an idiot and don't expect me to bail you out," and went back to his game now that the baby had stopped that sensor-shattering wailing.

Hound gave Bluestreak a pat on the back and, as Spike handed the baby to the Datsun, he gathered up the carrier and other miscellaneous equipment it seemed was necessary to care for the toy.

Spike sighed. "Thanks. You don't know how much I appreciate this."

Bluestreak just grinned and headed back to the couch with Hound trailing behind.

Just as the door slid shut behind the boy, the baby hiccupped loudly and began to wail again. Bluestreak stared at it in confusion.

"I didn't do anything," he shouted, trying to be heard over the crying.

"Here, let me see what it says in the instructions." Hound opened the tiny booklet and scanned it quickly. "It says you need to try and feed it with the bottle, change it's diaper," he frowned at that one, "or just give it attention until it stops crying." He rummaged through the carrier and held up a bottle between his forefingers. "Try this."

Before Bluestreak could take the tiny thing from Hound, Sunstreaker was beside him. In a quick movement, he snatched the screeching baby from Bluestreak's hand. He bolted across the room, opened the door to a small storage cubicle and tossed the device inside. The door slid shut, cutting off the noise.

"Wha'?" Bluestreak stared after the yellow mech. "Wait, you can't do that."

"Yes, I can and I just did."

"It can't stay there…" The Datsun headed for the cubicle but froze at Sunstreaker's menacing glare.

"It will stay there."

Bluestreak looked at Hound. Hound sighed. "We'll get it out when he leaves."

Bluestreak nodded unhappily. "Okay."

Several hours passed and Sunstreaker was still playing his game and Bluestreak and Hound were sitting on the couch just waiting when Spike came back in looking much better. He glanced around. "Um, where's the baby?"

Bluestreak opened his mouth to answer but clicked it shut when he caught Sunstreaker's optic. He shrugged and glanced meaningfully at the yellow warrior.

Spike groaned. "Sunstreaker, what'd you do with it? I'm being graded on this project and the professor will kill me if the baby gets damaged."

Sunstreaker snorted. "Good riddance."

"Please, Sunstreaker, I'll get it out of here. Just get it for me."

Sunstreaker shook his head without looking away from his game. "No…"

He was interrupted by the blare of the alarm. He tossed the controller down and headed for the door without a backward glance. The door slid shut and Bluestreak leaped to his feet and rescued the baby from the storage cubicle. Spike took it gratefully and started jiggling it rapidly in hopes of calming it quickly.

Hound stood at the open door. "Let's go," he urged the gunner.

Bluestreak nodded and headed after Hound. Spike followed, trying to stuff the bottle into the baby's mouth.

By the time Spike reached the front entrance of the Ark, a small skirmish with Laserbeak and Ravage was in progress. Spike stared at the action, baby forgotten. The bottle drifted away from its mouth and it started to bawl.

Sunstreaker, taking careful aim at Laserbeak, was distracted and turned to glare at Spike. Seizing the moment of lost concentration, Laserbeak took a shot at the warrior. It missed, striking the ground next to Sunstreaker's foot and sending gravel pinging against the his legs.

With a snarl, Sunstreaker grabbed the baby from Spike and heaved it at the condor. The tiny missile, with deadly accuracy, disappeared up Laserbeak's engine. There was a sharp crack of an explosion and smoke poured from the cassette.

Spike watched in horror as his Health project vanish in a puff of smoke and shards of plastic debris.

"Oh, God," he moaned, covering his eyes, "Somehow, I don't think my professor will accept 'helping repel alien take-over' as a legitimate excuse to miss an assignment."

Bluestreak patted Spike's shoulder in sympathy. "I'm sorry, Spike…"

Sunstreaker snickered at Spike. "Just tell him it saved my paint."

Spike sighed dejectedly. "Sure, Sunstreaker, that'll make it all better." He turned and trudged away desperately trying to come up with an explanation the professor would accept.


End file.
